


She didn't come

by DieAstra



Series: Maneuvers and the aftermath [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Episode: s02e11 Maneuvers, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DieAstra/pseuds/DieAstra
Summary: Chakotay waits for a visitor that never comes.A little talk between Chakotay and B’Elanna in sickbay, missing scene for the episode 2x11 “Maneuvers”, set at the end between Chakotay’s rescue and the talk with Janeway
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Series: Maneuvers and the aftermath [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088561
Comments: 12
Kudos: 41





	She didn't come

**Author's Note:**

> I found it odd that Janeway just states at the end that Chakotay made a full recovery. I would have liked to see a bit more of hurt/comfort/sickbay stuff before the end scene. Then it occurred to me, this might actually have been the first time she saw him again.

She didn’t come. He’d been in sickbay for hours before he realized that this time would be different.

Every other time when he had woken up in a sickbay bed she had been there within minutes, asking how he felt. Touching him, as if she needed her own hands to reassure herself that he was alive and fine and soon would sit again next to her at the bridge. He did the same when it was her that needed comfort after a mission gone wrong. Minus the touching. 

He tried not to read too much into it as she was very tactile with every member of her crew but he liked to imagine that her hands lingered a little longer on him each time. It was their little ritual, and he needed it as much to heal as he did the doctor’s ministrations.

He missed it. Deeply.

At first he had tried to justify her absence. Surely she was busy at the bridge, trying to get out of Kazon space. She would come once she had time.

But the hours went by and she did not come. The less pain he felt from his injuries with the doctor working on them one by one, the heavier his heart grew. He really had screwed up this time.

Tuvok had come, taking his report about what happened at the Nistrim ship. He was matter-of-factly as always, asking detailed questions that Chakotay answered honestly. There was no reprimand from Tuvok, no disapproval. At least not with words. His eyebrows spoke a different language.

But the chewing out part was reserved for another one. Chakotay didn’t look forward to it.

He heard the sickbay doors open. Getting his hopes up anew, he craned his neck to look who was coming in.

“Stay still if you don’t want a nasty scar on your temple,” the doctor admonished while working on his head wound.

Willingly Chakotay turned his head back. The quickly raised hope had died again.

It wasn’t the captain. It was B’Elanna.

Not that he didn’t appreciate his friend being here. Just…

“How do you feel, Chakotay?”

He avoided her eyes. 

“Good.”

He could hear her sigh next to him.

“I’m serious. How do you feel?”

He sighed as well. Nothing could get past B’Elanna. 

“I’ve felt better,” he answered honestly. “But the doctor says I will make a full recovery. That I have been lucky.”

“Lucky?” B’Elanna’s voice sounded incredulously. Despite him being only half conscious when he was beamed back to _Voyager_ , Chakotay remembered that she had been there in the transporter room. She’d seen the state he had been in. 

Still he could not bring himself to discuss his injuries with her. It felt like invading his privacy. He’d rather forget about the whole thing and never mention it again.

“Yes, he was,” the doctor now chimed in, while continuing to treat his head wound.

“Broken ribs, a cracked jawbone, some loose teeth, a concussion, and his circulatory running amok after having been injected with God knows what. But nothing I couldn’t treat, nothing more… permanent.”

“Permanent?”

Then B’Elanna seemed to freeze in shock, her hand halfway to her mouth when she realized what the doctor was implying. Chakotay closed his eyes, for a moment lost in memories of Culluh repeatedly asking for his command codes.

Even though it was Starfleet procedure to change the codes immediately once a member of the command team had fallen into the hands of enemies, Chakotay couldn’t be sure they had been rendered useless. So he decided to play it safe and refused to give anything up.

The whole thing had felt like a very one-sided boxing match. He saw the blows coming and his instinct told him to block them, get his fists up and attack back, but with his hands and feet bound there was nothing he could do about it. He only could sit there and take it on the chin.

Literally.

For however long it took.

He was used to taking blows though and was able to deal with them as long as Culluh only used brutal force. But once he got out the hypospray, Chakotay got seriously worried he might let something slip under its influence. It was impossible to fight mind controlling substances. Sooner or later he would succumb to it.

He’d been relieved when Seska interrupted.

And despite him not expecting to survive this trip, he’d also been relieved when he got rescued. He wouldn’t have been able to take any of this treatment for much longer, if he was honest with himself. He’d just wanted it over, one way or the other.

“Chakotay?” he heard the soft voice of the doctor. Slowly he opened his eyes and returned to the present.

“Yes?”

“You zoned out there for a moment. Had us worried.”

Chakotay smiled briefly and, as he hoped, reassuringly.

“Sorry. Flashback.”

He tried to shrug but winced when the gesture hurt. B’Elanna’s face was a mixture of compassion and rage.

The doctor looked thoughtfully at him.

“If we had a counselor on board, I’d prescribe some sessions with him.”

“I’ll be fine,” Chakotay insisted. “I’ll deal with this. Alone.”

B’Elanna put a hand on his arm. “Will you? How?”

He looked right at her then. Time to be completely honest.

“I’ve dealt with it before. It’s… it’s not the first time this happened.”

B’Elanna gasped. “Chakotay! When? How?”

He looked down at his hands.

“Before you joined the Maquis. I was freed right in time before things could get really nasty. Just like now. Tuvok says you had something to do with that?”

Now it was B’Elanna who looked away.

“Yes. Tuvok was against it but I pleaded with the captain. Telling her to listen to her gut. And how you being left behind would affect the whole crew. Please don’t do that again, Chakotay. You really had us scared there. For a moment we thought we lost you for good.”

Once again Chakotay realized how much pain he’d caused with his decision. He’d wanted to fix things but instead had made them worse. No wonder the captain didn’t want to talk with him. He couldn’t blame her.

The doctor who had been silent the whole time finally spoke up again.

“Your treatment is finished now. You are free to go. But you are to go to your quarters and have some bed rest. You will still experience some headaches but they should vanish soon if you do as I order.”

Slowly Chakotay slipped down from the biobed. 

“What about…?”

“It will have to wait till tomorrow. Doctor’s orders.”

“Thanks, doctor.”

B’Elanna walked him to his quarters, despite him protesting that this wasn’t necessary. Once she had her mind set to something, there was no arguing. And Chakotay enjoyed the quiet camaraderie. They did not feel any more need to talk.

When they reached his door she said her good-byes and finally he was inside, alone. He looked around. Nothing had changed since he left yesterday. 

He looked down at himself. He still wore his dirty and bloody uniform. It had to go. He took it off and recycled it immediately, then took a long hot shower. Scrubbing away all the dirt and filth. He wished he could scrub away his memories as well.

He lied down but could not find any sleep. He was thinking about what awaited him tomorrow, how he could justify to Janeway why he had done what he had done. She wouldn’t accept it but maybe he could make her understand.

It already was late in the evening. Her shift would be over by now. She was right there at the other side of the bulkhead. He could hear her light steps, walking around.

It was just a small distance from her door to his.

But she didn’t come.

The End


End file.
